The Three Little Pigs: A Saki Story
by Cadoodles
Summary: Just a VERY twisted version of the "The Three Little Pigs". Just to let you know beforehand, this was just a thrown together piece of garbage for my literature class, so don't be surprised if it's not up to standard with my regular writings.


A/N: OMG. I don't even know why I'm putting this up. It started off as a project for my literature class, but I just got so freaking into my story that I thought I just had to put it up for the fun of it. It's just a thrown together piece of crap, so there may be a bunch of mistakes in it. Saki is the guy who wrote the story we were supposed to write our twisted fairy tales based on, if you were wondering about the title. (nonstop work for like eight hours....I don't know if you would consider that hard working or not) If you don't like it fine by me, I really don't care. But, if you have the time, please review, it would mean a lot to me. On with the story!

The Three Little Pigs: A Saki Story

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. These were not ordinary pigs however.

They had recently been booted out of the Kind Little Piggy colony for disobeying specific regulations about their diet. The brothers had been caught devouring an extremely unusual type of food that their kind had been forbidden to eat since the law of all fairy tale pigs was passed down by Almighty Brothers Grimm. They were then promptly dismissed from the civilization and told never to return again.

Our story begins with our main characters hunting for the legendary "Dream House" in search of a new life, a life away from the KLP, their regulations, and that ever tempting meat that was of the highest taboo.

Fred grabbed a piece of straw from a hay bale they had found. "Say, what about this stuff for a house?" he asked hopefully.

His brother, Bill, swat his hand. "Are you nuts?! That stuff is too flimsy. It's probably collapse after a small breeze."

"Oh, and I suppose sticks are so much better," Fred retorted.

"You bet it is!" Bill sniffed indignantly, putting his hands on his hips.

"Just keep on telling yourself that," his brother said wickedly.

Seeing the glares being exchanged between his younger brothers, Sam, the oldest of the three, stepped in.

"Guys! Come on, if we don't get along now, we'll never get that Dream House we're looking for!" he exclaimed.

Bill scowled at him. "How do we know that this 'Dream House' even exists, I mean, it's just a story!"

"Don't you remember? This house is supposed to be the most perfect pig haven in the universe! Beautiful shining red stone that no wind can blow down, every thing a pig needs! Listen to me—"

"Listen to you?!" Fred exploded. "You're the one who suggested we hunt that god-forsaken animal! We got hooked on it and had to smuggle it everywhere. Look at us now! We've been kicked out of the KLP, and we're looking for a dream house that we've only heard of in bedtime stories!!" He turned his back on them. "I don't know about you, but I'm building my straw house as far away from you two as possible." He strode away.

Bill took a step towards the fields. "You can look for your 'Dream House' without me," Fred snapped as he too walked off.

Sam watched, open mouthed, as his brothers stormed off in different directions.

A few days later, as Fred was putting the finishing touches on his one hundred percent pure straw house, he heard rustles in the bushes. He took no notice at fist, thinking it was just one of the many strange sounds of the forest. After the fifth crunch, however, he was starting to get nervous.

Quickly he ran into his house and latched the door. He drew his shotgun, prepared to defend himself if need be.

Looking out the window, he saw, to his horror, a wolf sniffing around his grounds. The pig started to sweat as he clenched his gun harder.

_A wolf?! I thought we escaped wolves we left the KLP... What do I do? _he thought panicky. An idea struck him.

_Bill. He would know what to do. He needs to listen to me this time. _Without another thought, he dropped his gun and sprinted out the back door.

Bill had been working in his garden when he spotted his brother leap from the forest and speed toward him. Bill stopped what he was doing and crossed his arms over his chest as Fred halted and panted, leaning his hands on the tops of his thighs.

"What are you doing here?" Bill asked coolly.

Fred sputtered, "At...my—house...wolf...came, came out...the—forest."

Bill dropped the shovel he had been holding. Any pretense of dislike towards his brother was shattered as he said voice quivering, "W—wolf?! How can there be...? I, I thought..."

"Me too," the other pig said between gasps.

_What do we do? _Bill asked himself. _What will happen if...it happens again? What if they come for us? What if...? Wait. Get a hold of yourself, he_ told himself firmly.

"We need to find Sam," he said resolutely.

"Sam?! We'll never find that loony bin. He was looking for the legendary "Dream House", remember?" Fred said.

"We need to try, regardless. Otherwise, we'll end up doing something we'll regret in the future.

After a few hours, they were desperately lost.

"You shouldn't have picked a fight with him!" Fred whined. "Now we're lost on a wild goose chase for our wacko brother, a wolf of all things is looking for us, and it's getting really hard for me to control my urge to run back there and—"he was cut off by Bill.

"Hush! I think someone's out there." Fred obediently shut his mouth. They both held their breath as they froze, waiting for the sneaker to come out. If it was the wolf, they would be in big trouble, neither of them having the strength of mind or body to run away.

"Guys?" a voice said uncertainly.

That one word was all it took for Bill and Fred to realize who was speaking. They both dashed to Sam and hugged him fiercely.

"Sam!" the two pigs cried.

"You two! I thought I'd never see you again!" Sam exclaimed.

"Me neither, after all you were being such a crazy—ow!" Bill had punched Fred in the stomach before he could finish his sentence.

"Sam, there's a wolf chasing us!" Bill shouted. Sam turned pale at his words. "We don't know what to do! What if we can't control ourselves again? What if—"

"It won't happen again," Sam said confidently. "We will control ourselves." He smiled. "We will never eat another wolf again."

"What? If I'll never eat another wolf again, how come my mouth kept watering every time I saw one?" Fred demanded.

"You do still have the addiction," he admitted. "But, with this stuff I found at the Dream House will cure you!"

Bill and Fred stared at Sam. "You found the Dream House?" Fred asked slowly, making sure he had heard correctly. "The Dream House?"

Sam puffed his chest out in pride. "I sure did. And I didn't all without you deserters. It turns out, the Dream House supplies any object you'll ever need in a lifetime. You just think about what you want, and it appears. That's why it was called a pig's haven." The two other pigs looked down at their feet in shame. Anyway, let's get going. I need to get you two treated."

Three video tapes, six rehab books, five cassette tapes, and a day later, Bill threw a chair out a window.

"I can't take this anymore! This treatment isn't working!! Every time I think about ways to not think about wolves, a wolf pops into my mind!" He yelled. "I bet that wolf we saw is tracking us here. If I could just..." he said as he reached for the door knob. Sam jumped up.

"No, you mustn't!" he pleaded. "Give it more time! That's all—" Sam was interrupted by a gruff voice outside the window.

"I think I smell three little pigs in this house, what are the odds?"

The pigs gasped. The wolf was just outside, in all of his delicious glory. Even Sam could feel his mouth water.

"Hm, I wonder what would happen if I took a peek inside?" the wolf said sweetly.

Sam, seeing Bill's half-mad expression, hissed, "No! You can't!"

The wolf, thinking that the last statement was directed toward him said with foul sweetness, "I can't, can I? Well, let's just see about that." He started to push the door open as Bill, on the other side, started to unlatch it.

Sam threw himself at the door, causing both Bill and the wolf to topple over. "Not by the hair on our chinny-chin-chin!!" he cried.

Fred, who had been watching the whole scene in a daze, asked his older brother disgustedly, "Is that the best comeback you can come up with?"

Sam grunted, "You try holding back a wolf and a crazed maniac, while still trying to come up with a good comeback."

The wolf peeked through the window. "You all are scared to death! I can see how pale you are."

Fred had the nerve to laugh and quip, "You have no idea how scared we are!"

"What's so funny?" the wolf commanded snobbishly. "If you don't tell me, I'll blow your house down!"

Fred couldn't help himself; he burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Even Sam chuckled.

"Let's just see you try," Fred said.

"You'd be surprised. I've already blown down a straw house and a stick house on the way here."

At the mention of their homes, Fred and Bill froze. "You did what?" Fred asked slowly, his entire joking manner gone. "You blew down my one hundred percent pure straw house that took me three days nonstop to build?" he said, his voice low and dangerous.

The wolf seemed to think this was funny. "Why yes I did. It was a marvelous house, too bad it only took two seconds to destroy."

Fred went white with anger and flew at the wolf. Sam, seeing what he was about to do ahead of time, pinned his brother's hands to the wall. "You can't eat him! Remember all of our therapy?" he said.

"Forget eating him! I want to kill him!" Fred shouted. Unbeknownst to either of them, Bill had snuck out the front door.

The wolf was now giggling with delight. "This is so amusing! This is better than—AHH!!" the wolf screamed. Fred and Sam were immobilized. They watched, stunned, as a Bill came back through the front door, a very satisfied look adorning his face.

"What—did—you—do?" Sam asked shooting a hazardous look in Bill's direction.

"I didn't eat him, if that's what you're thinking," Bill replied casually. "I set the hunter on him though."

"What hunter?" Fred asked.

"Oh, the one that appeared in the closet after I thought about a way that would put that stinking wolf in as much pain as I can think of without killing him." Bill sunk into an overstuffed chair and carelessly tossed his feet onto a footstool. "I think I like that punishment better. I don't think eating a hundred wolves could have contented me as much as that just did."

"Does that mean you're cured?" Sam questioned with anticipation.

"I guess it does," he answered.

And so, nature (as the world of the Brothers Grimm know it) was set back in balance. The three little pigs never ate another wolf again, and in later years would found a rehab center for wolf-eating pigs. And now, without further ado, I end this story with the famous words: And They Lived Happily Ever After

The End


End file.
